so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I pour the whiskey from now on
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
