I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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