I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
