i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I pour the whiskey from now on
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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