What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
