May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
