Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
pray to the hookup gods
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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