OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
