Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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