one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
