your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
