...so i touched it.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
