If i could tip my vagina, i would.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
