Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
