you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
