I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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