I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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