I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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