dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
