dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
