she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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