I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
