Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
