would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize