He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
