Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
