woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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