Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
