If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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