Betty ford says i'm here all night
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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