It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize