Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
