Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Randomize
