Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Ketchup is God's man juice
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
