Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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