That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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