one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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