My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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