Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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