The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize