He uses pillows to masturbate.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
