The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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