Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
