my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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