my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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