I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
