I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
