I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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