she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
