i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
