WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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