I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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