True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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