apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
