Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
