And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
