She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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