how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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