Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
