Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Randomize
