I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
