he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize