Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
