Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
