brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
