and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
